1/12/1998

▼ Loranzo's Oil

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Stars - Nick Nolte, Susan Sarandon
Dir - George Miller
Year - 1992

This is a movie based on a true story. In 1984, a 6 year old kid Lorenzo Odone was diagnozed to have ALD (Adrenoleukodystrophy), a sex-linked inherited disease only passed from mother to boys. These boys have malfunction in an enzyme which supposely should metabolize long chain fatty acid (LCFA). As a result, they accumulate high content of LCFA in the blood, which somehow strips off (desolves it, I guess) the myelin covering of nerve cells. The myelin is responsible for message transfer along the nerves. Stripping it off results in the loss of communication between different body parts and brain damage.

The syndrome usually appears at age between 5~10, and follows by gradually deterioration of body function (deaf, blind, seizure …), with inevitable death in 2 years.

Lorenzo’s parents, Augusto and Michaela, tried their best to save their boy. They put him in a trial experimental diet conducted by the best ALD expert in USA but to no avail. They decided to “educate’ themselves to find the cure. Without any medical background, they started from basic biochemistry, and read hundreds of paper/articals in the library. They even organized the first world-wide ALD symposium, gathering all ALD experts and participated in every discussions. With tremendous effort, they finally found some oil to reduce the LCFA content to half. They kept doing research, and found another oil to reduce the LCFA to normal level, thus completely stop the further development of the disease.

It is really amazing to see that, a disease considered by all scientists/doctors around the world as non-curable, but was found to be possible to cure by people without any medical background. Their findings not only have saved lives of many young ALD boys, but also make those boys able to live a normal life.

12/01/1997

【Dreaming by】

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Break up a gray dream you long hold tight
One day you wake up in the midnight
With open eyes you see someone nearby
Beyond obsession beyond love,
the missing link of life

Look back the way you came, hundred years flashed by
Shined with the dim moon light you start to cry
Hundred years --- of wondering why
who --- is always standing by?

3/19/1997

◆ Journey to Ixtlan

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- The lessons of Don Juan (1972 by Carlos Castaneda)

Book –

This book is part of the tutorial records of Castaneda when he searched for internal knowledge from an Indian nagual Don Juan. By teaching Castaneda the knowledge of some Yaqui indians, Don Juan helped to explore the beauty of an inner world of human nature which is not known to most of us.

Karma –

Starting from my younger age, I couldn’t stop thinking the meaning of life, and the nature of being existence. I suffered a very long period of frantic and aimless search, without even knowing what I was looking for. Religion, traditional Chinese culture, arts, and older people around were all helpless. I was very lonely.

In the summer of 1980, I found a Chinese version of this book from a pile of discount books in a bookstore I visited quite often since childhood. I brought it home for 50 cents, without the knowledge that it’s gonna change my entire life. I didn’t apprehend most of the topics in this book when I first read it, but simply hunted by the beauty of unknown and the ultimate freedom described by Don Juan. In the following couple of years I kept reading it in a frequency of at least twice ~ three times per year, and by comparing with my life experience, every time I caught a little more about what Don Juan was saying. Most of my friends to whom I showed this book worried that I was gonna go as insane as the crazy Indian Don Juan. But I knew clearly that it’s the way I sooner or later had to head for. Written on the first page by myself is “This is a book for me only”. I later realized that it’s inevitable to be lonely when you consider the searching for inner freedom as your journey.

9/01/1994

【輕喚】

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夢中忽然出現一個女孩
僅只相識但不親暱的
白紙般純潔的女孩
她悄悄來到你房間而你正熟睡
她輕喚你的名而你未回應
你感覺她躺到身側
透過肌膚你感覺一股流動的熱
意外地她開始舔吻你的臉頰你的耳
你抓起她的手摟著她的腰
心中卻有壓抑不住的疑惑
是曾有未留心的愛戀
悄悄潛駐意識深處
抑或是 ───

不復記得多少次
痊癒中的傷口又再撕裂
輕喚 舔吻 嗔笑 還有那體溫
和著倉皇無措的淚與鮮血
泉水般嘩啦拉湧出
啊!那原是
不息的顧念無法盡掩的坑洞
不盡的淚滴所無法
封堵的傷口

你終於在迷惘中醒來
在黑暗中你意識到
伊的相簿早已失落
伊的書信也早已封鎖
只是為何
那溫柔體貼的輕喚
依舊夜夜侵襲未閤的眼?

2/27/1993

【荒原】

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那像是
到了一個四面皆停的 stop sign 前
你把車緩緩停下
左邊路口先到的車也正停穩
連風 也沈澱下來

  (那是一個
   沙漠裡的十字路口
   四面八方都沒有盡頭)

突然你驚覺一陣寒慄
死亡一樣掩來
你在寒慄中凍結

  (連時間也靜止了…)

所有的思緒 情感 是非
所愛的所不愛的 都化成石

  (你甚至聽到
   淚落在心口上的聲音)

你一時無法分辨
要往前走還是繼續等待
拉下塵積的車窗你竟看到
同樣疑惑的眼神
在斜對面的駕駛座上
在這個荒涼
沒有人煙的十字路口

你清清喉嚨
勉強告訴自己
終是該走的時候
你遲疑地
把車開過路口
你注意到那緊盯著你的眼神 …

突然之間你感到慌亂
無法肯定
是夢幻 還是真實

  (一個遠古的 夢的呼喚?)

你急急把車停下
在哽咽的邊緣你極力自抑
坐穩 深呼吸 然後
緩緩回頭 ……

在老遠的
路的那一方
孤零的車上
你看到一對
匆促回顧的眼神
多情而蒼茫的神色
啊!那是───

  (一個古老的 夢的預言?)

十年 二十年 以及一生
浪子的孤寂都在這裡凝結
你終再無法自制
在無止盡的十字路口
在夢的邊緣
痛哭失聲

9/01/1992

【菩提樹】

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井旁邊大門前面
有一棵菩提樹
我曾在樹蔭底下
做過甜夢無數
我曾在樹枝上面
刻過寵句無數
歡樂和苦痛時候
常常走近這樹
常常走近這樹

你說過再來看我
不論困難幾多
於是我日夜等候
等候你的影蹤
怎耐我鏡裡顏容
不堪歲月匆匆
多少年春夏秋冬
美夢畢竟成空
美夢畢竟成空

註:第一段是一首歌「菩提樹」的歌詞,我加了第二段。