Break up a gray dream you long hold tight
One day you wake up in the midnight
With open eyes you see someone nearby
Beyond obsession beyond love,
the missing link of life
Look back the way you came, hundred years flashed by
Shined with the dim moon light you start to cry
Hundred years --- of wondering why
who --- is always standing by?
- The lessons of Don Juan (1972 by Carlos Castaneda)
Book –
This book is part of the tutorial records of Castaneda when he searched for internal knowledge from an Indian nagual Don Juan. By teaching Castaneda the knowledge of some Yaqui indians, Don Juan helped to explore the beauty of an inner world of human nature which is not known to most of us.
Karma –
Starting from my younger age, I couldn’t stop thinking the meaning of life, and the nature of being existence. I suffered a very long period of frantic and aimless search, without even knowing what I was looking for. Religion, traditional Chinese culture, arts, and older people around were all helpless. I was very lonely.
In the summer of 1980, I found a Chinese version of this book from a pile of discount books in a bookstore I visited quite often since childhood. I brought it home for 50 cents, without the knowledge that it’s gonna change my entire life. I didn’t apprehend most of the topics in this book when I first read it, but simply hunted by the beauty of unknown and the ultimate freedom described by Don Juan. In the following couple of years I kept reading it in a frequency of at least twice ~ three times per year, and by comparing with my life experience, every time I caught a little more about what Don Juan was saying. Most of my friends to whom I showed this book worried that I was gonna go as insane as the crazy Indian Don Juan. But I knew clearly that it’s the way I sooner or later had to head for. Written on the first page by myself is “This is a book for me only”. I later realized that it’s inevitable to be lonely when you consider the searching for inner freedom as your journey.
